Just a Fly, and a little Caterpillar

So I posted a couple days ago saying that I would update the next day. Three days later...haha oh well. So this summer has been interesting. Not that it's been bad, because it hasn't. The theatre is great, the people are nice, and it's a great job. It's my mind set that's been interesting. I think it's finally sinking in that I graduated college, and at the moment, I'm not going back. I'm officially in the real world. This is it, this is my life, and it's really weird to think that this is what I do. I'm having issues with it too. I really don't like the uncertainty an instability associated with it. I'm obsessed with job searching. I look for jobs for after this one EVERY DAY, and I feel like that can't be healthy. I know I plan on moving to NYC after this, but it's hard for me to just be content with that and not keep looking for new jobs and trying to make more contacts.

The other issue is that since I'm still uncertain of what I want to do, I keep looking at and applying to EVERYTHING. I look at music directing jobs, tour gigs, cruise lines, grad schools for voice or music directing or accompanying, and jobs and schools in arts administration. I feel like I need to stick with one thing and just go with it.

I'm also getting sick of this long distance thing. I really just want to be near Craig so I can see him all the time and we can actually spend real time together. I thought that I would be ok with traveling and doing my own thing and not have a relationship tie me down, but I feel like I would be happier in one place, with a steady, secure job, near my friends and my boyfriend, and just be able to live my life. I don't know, I don't know what I want. And I think I need to be ok with that.

The other thing this summe is that I feel like it's taken me longer to make connections with people than last summer. I don't think I'm as compatible with as many of the people here, and I don't think we are around each other nearly as much as last summer. Also, we actually have internet and cable here, so there are other things to do besides talk and play games with each other, which is sometimes a good thing, and sometimes a bad thing. I think I just miss a lot of the people from last summer, and miss that bond that we shared from working there. I think I'm just looking forward to the end of the summer so that I can see the people I love, and then finally move into my own place and really start my life.

This was my note from the Universe the other day:

When you raise the bar, Chris, I jump higher.

Ready?
The Universe

Memory

Soooooo it's been waaaaay too long since I put a post up on here. So much has happened since my last post I can't even begin to type it up, so I'm not going to try. After reading part of my previous post from January, I realized how nice it is to have this and look back on my thoughts and feelings at different times, and also to help me document my life since I tend not to remember details very well. I also realized that no one else reads this except me, which is ok since it's really only interesting to me and I am doing an awful job at keeping up with it haha.

So I am currently in Sullivan, Illinois, working at The Little Theatre on the Square, and I must say I am loving working here. The theatre is great, the talent is amazing, the people are wonderful, and I get to do what I love without *totally* killing myself. I am living in my own room at what we call The Ritz, and my room is themed after Bombay Dreams. It's pretty nice, and I have my own bathroom which is even nicer.

There has been so much on my mind lately, and I can't believe I haven't written it here. It's really late right now, so hopefully I"ll have time to write tomorrow.

The tony awards were also tonight, and it was a great award show, one of the best in a long time. Seeing that and also working here is inspiring to be better and better at what I do so I can keep doing what I love.

We also had our first pit rehearsal for Footloose today and it sounds siiiiiick, it's gonna be so good I can't wait! Our final performance of Cats was also today, and while I didn't hate it, it's definitely not one of my favorites, and I'm so excited to move on to other things :)

P.S. Bought a Jane Monheit CD the other day, thanks Tone for the inspiration!